Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
