I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize