I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
