i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
