Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
me + whiskey = a bad person
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
