Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
