Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
