You just made me feel so damn special
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
