that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
