I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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