If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
