i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
