I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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