i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
