I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
