he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
