His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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