We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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