they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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