in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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