He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
