I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
