Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
