Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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