Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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