He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
