i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
