I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
