Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
