my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
is it fun? or sober?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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