you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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