I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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