Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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