i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
