I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
