i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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