# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
