she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
