I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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