Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
