i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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