i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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