We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
