You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I cockslap morals
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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