I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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