Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
