He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
