People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
