So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
