she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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