Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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