dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
