I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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