what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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