I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
