Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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