Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
