he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
