I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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