There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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