I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
