i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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