Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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