He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
