whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she peed on how many people?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
