I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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