I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
