I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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