just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
