You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
