I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
