i would punch a child for taco bell
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.