My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
