If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess