his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick