wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
