her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere