Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
