you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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