If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
