You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
