google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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