Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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