Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
