I got chris browned last night
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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