If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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