i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
