I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
