i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
